Life Lessons from Bowel Movements
I’ll be the first to admit that perhaps this is a weird topic to write about. But I’m finding that I like bringing into the light things that we have shame or awkwardness in talking about. And this is one of those topics. It gets talked about a lot when we are kids and then at some point becomes taboo. I’m not sure why any of our bodies’ functions are taboo. We all experience them. We all live in bodies. Why not talk about the things our bodies do?
AND… I seem to find lessons and parallels in the most unlikely of places. Here are some lessons I see we can learn from bowel movements…
Number One: Not everyone is a shit-talking friend.
Not in the way you think. It’s just a matter of choosing your audience and knowing who to go to for what kind of conversation. I have one sister I call to talk to about great pooping stories and the other would probably kill me if I tried to tell her the same stories. Conversely, the shit-talking sister is not the one I go to to discuss what it’s like to be an empath.
Number Two: The longer you hold something inside that is ready to come out the more it hurts.
One time I tried a laxative tea that a friend wanted me to try with her and I thought I was going to die. I’d been sick already. And I turned pale. Could hardly move. And was in excruciating pain. I was seriously considering a trip to the ER and instead took a trip to the bathroom. In retrospect, I think I had been constipated and hadn’t realized it and things were trying to leave that couldn’t because of the incredible backlog.
I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of needing to say something to someone and avoiding the conflict, the blow up, the discomfort. And in the meantime — resentment takes hold and starts to build. The longer you let it build the worse it gets.
This past week I had a conversation with a friend in which I shared about something I’d held back for only a week or so and even in the short week it had already built upon itself into a lot of emotion. I realized as I was exploding, that it would have been a lot smoother if I’d just said what I needed to right off the bat.
(My sister recommends Epsom Salts if you’re in this “holding things back” situation physically — and consider yourself warned that you’re gonna want to stay home because when it does its magic you’re gonna need to be close to a bathroom).
Number Three: Opportunities don’t listen to our desired timeline.
The number of times I have felt my body tell me, okay it’s time — head to the bathroom. And I tell it, just hang on a sec. Not now. This is inconvenient timing. I’m in the middle of something. Can’t you just wait til I finish this chapter, meeting, email, conversation, etc. And then I’m in the middle of something else. By the time I make the time, my body has moved on and it ain’t happening anymore. (See Number Two)
Gotta seize the moment. Opportunities have a way of coming on their own time line and overthinking it sometimes can mean you miss it. Take it from one who is a master at overthinking. Don’t get me wrong, thinking isn’t bad. But if you think and think and think and think and never choose, by the time you do, the opportunity can be gone.
Number Four: Pay attention to the situation you’re walking into.
NOTHING is worse than sitting down, doing your business and THEN realizing that you’re out of toilet paper. (Okay, maybe I can think of a few things worse than this).
The same is true of moving in with someone without asking a couple pertinent questions. Such as, how do you feel about my friend and her several kids coming to visit for a week at a time? What about dinner parties? Or hosting Harry Potter Clue Game Nights? Or listening to music…. ever? Oh, you’re an introvert? Wish I’d known that three months ago.
Paying a little attention to what you’re walking into also helps in dating. Making it three years in before finding out that kids is a deal breaker for both of you — you want them and they don’t — is a bit of a bummer to say the least.
Which leads us into…
Number Five: You know who your true friends are when you weren’t prepared for the situation you’re in.
When you find yourself bathed in your own stink and unable to get up to get toilet paper, the friend who will brave the room to hand you a roll is a keeper.
So is the one who will sit next to you after the breakup once you realized you were on differing sides of the kid deal. Who will let you crash on their couch for several weeks when you suddenly have to move because your previous living situation really wasn’t working out.
Number Six: Sometimes forcing things makes them worse. Sometimes you just have to be patient and let nature take it’s course.
I know sitting on a toilet for ten to thirty minutes is not a thing most of us would choose to do. Unless, of course, great reading material is close at hand. Recently I stayed where there was a copy of Life’s Journeys according to Mister Rogers in the loo, and it was most enjoyable entertainment.
Sometimes it’s time, but not quite time yet, at the same time. And you can either expend A TON of effort and literally injure yourself. Or you can just sit and wait and trust that nature has got your back and it will happen eventually. In the meantime, sit back, and enjoy Mister Rodgers’ thoughts on life.
Number Seven: Our bodies can be a messenger of what’s going on at a deeper level. If we learn how to listen, we can learn a lot.
One of my favorite thought leaders, transformational comedian Kyle Cease, told the following story. (This is based on my memory of it, not verbatim).
He had rented a venue for one of his events, where he dives deep into emotional processing and meditation with his audience. The facility staff asked him what he was doing in there. They had gone through a lot more toilet paper than usual.
I have seen this play out in my own life. When I am holding back feelings, things I need to say, etc… I will often find myself constipated.
On the flip side, when I’ve expressed a ton of things I’ve held back, my body seems to release waste a lot easier as well.
This morning I realized it had been a couple days since I’ve spent more than a minute in the bathroom. This is now a clue that perhaps I am holding back something emotionally. I noticed that I have also been doing a stand-up job keeping myself busy in the past several days. Allowing myself little to no time to be still and listen to what is going on with myself below the surface.
Coincidence? I think not. So I took the hint and allowed myself a bit of time this morning to just sit and see what was there. And lo and behold, there were some deep emotions lurking beneath the surface.
Suffice it to say, our bodies have a lot to teach us about all of life if we learn how to listen.
