The Long Walk to Nowhere

PMS this month has been a roller coaster. Some emotions, but mostly cravings. For three days I could not get out of my mind these blondies that Great Harvest Bread Company makes. I had one for the first time several weeks ago and it was amazing!! And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted the fat. The sugar.

And I didn’t want to ask to borrow anyone’s car. Because I’m realizing asking for help is not my strong suit apparently. So for three days I craved it quietly and did nothing about it. On the third day it was a gorgeous sunny day and I all of a sudden remembered…. I have feet. So I walked. A very long walk (roughly 3.5 miles each way) to the bakery to obtain the golden ticket of PMS craving. Only to find that THEY DIDN’T BAKE THEM THAT DAY. I couldn’t help but laugh as I sat in the parking lot eating my WAY-less-than-satisfying cinnamon bread, sandwich, and peach cobbler.

I still had a glorious time. The walk was gorgeous. The sun was out. I was warm, and in fact overdressed and never needed the extra sweater I had brought along in case I got cold.

But more importantly I remembered that I have resources I didn’t remember I had. My own two feet and remarkably strong and capable legs. I was extremely proud of myself for making the whole trek. There is the distinct advantage of a walk like this, similar to a hike, that once you get there you have to turn around and go back. So you often end up walking almost twice as far as you think you’re capable of and thus realizing you’re capable of more than you think.

At least that’s my experience.

And today, my lovely housemate brought me back two blondies from the bakery and I just consumed almost an entire one in about five minutes. Not half an hour after I got off the call with a nutritionist friend of mine who I am going to work with to help figure out my diet. She asked me to track my food for the next several days and the first thing I got to track was a giant blondie. HAHAHA — what a great exercise in not judging myself at all, and just noticing. I keep craving sugary foods, and while I’m sure some element of that is addiction, I’m also feeling like there is something in them that my body is missing. Maybe the fat.

There’s not really much point in this particular article, other than to share about my blondie disappointment and redemption and the fact that legs are amazing and capable of much more than I typically think.

On that note, I might sign off and go on a walk between the rain bursts.