Who says Mental Health is Separate from Physical Health?
I forget how much my physical health affects my mental. Probably because we talk about them like they are two different things. That first sentence drew a distinction between the two, as though they were separate.
Isn’t that funny? It’s not like the brain lives outside of the body. We do this a lot. Our gut health. Our mental health. Our physical health. Spinal health. Emotional health. We dissect ourselves into separate parts and forget that we are one integrated whole. So complex that we barely understand how we work. We know a lot more than we used to, and there are still entire universes inside our own body that we don’t understand yet.
Which is probably why we split ourselves into parts. To try to make sense of this complex being that we are.
I’ve been fighting off a cold for the past few days and watching my mood hover right over the top of depression. Like my favorite roller coaster, Top Gun at what used to be Great America in Northern California. The beginning was a slow climb up and up and up and up and then you hover at the top for a brief moment before a deep dive. It’s terrifying and exhilarating. And sitting in the front row was always the best, so you had the best view of the terror.
That’s how this feels. Front row seats to the potential dive. Here I am hovering above a familiar descent and wanting to get off this roller coaster. I did not sign up for this ride again. I feel numb. Sad. Borderline hopeless. But not actually taking the whole dive, just watching the potential and dipping a toe over the edge.
And I have to keep reminding myself that I… am…. sick. And when my body is regulating resources to fight off a cold or process things, there’s less energy for other things, like managing thoughts. My thoughts easily default back to old ways of thinking and ways of feeling and that that does not mean I am doomed to ride the rest of this same ole roller coaster.
Gratitude. I hear gratitude helps in moments like these.
So, let me practice.
I am grateful for mashed potatoes and meatloaf for dinner that I did not have to make.
I am grateful for getting to attend a wedding on zoom today when I didn’t make it there in person (thank you pandemic).
I am grateful for my friends who are still in my life through all the ups and downs we’ve been through.
I am grateful to be writing.
I am grateful that my ears work. Don’t get me started on ears. I could write a whole thing about ears.
I am grateful that my computer is still kicking.
I am grateful that my phone stopped spazzing out.
I am grateful for fall leaves.
For the joy of communicating with young children who can’t talk yet.
For dogs who never stop bringing you the ball.
For pet-demanded play breaks.
For the miracles that are on their way that I can’t even imagine.
For parents who still love each other and are talking to all of their kids.
For friends who call just to see how I’m holding up.
For deep conversations about the nature of the universe and human consciousness.
For zoom dance parties with my favorite six and almost three year old.
For pink teddy bears.
For night skies full of stars and moonlight.
For beautiful paintings made by people I love.
What are you grateful for?
